The school’s social hierarchy- friends, foes or fools.
Written by Theresia Purnomo
“The social scale”, that’s what students call it. In other words, it is the difference between being popular and being a loner. Even in a school such as RCHK, students constantly fight to top the unspeakable social ladder. As someone who has hit on both ends of the spectrum, it is easy to forge a reality where popularity is everything, sometimes placing social ranking above friends. As a measurement for one’s popularity, there is no clearer definition than the likes and followers on social media.
In modern society, it seems as though life depends on social media, acting as a symbol of recognition to certify a friendship. “The first sight of friendship in danger is if the other person isn’t following you. Something’s definitely up,” concluded a popular year 11 student who is admired by many. Nowadays, the number of followers you have can correlate with how popular and well-liked you are. Social media can often act as a screen, with black-and-white messages giving no emotional attachment. I myself have ended a long friendship with someone because of the dangers of social media. I made an impulse situation when I was fed up, and decided to block someone. Turns out, such a simple move on my part created a devastating effect on the other person, and with a click of a button, it had ruined any potential chance of mending a long-term bond with someone. The lesson is, social media doesn’t just reaffirm friendships, it can also end them permanently. By showing a blinded side of who you are online, it can actually damage relations in real life.
“Fake it till you make it”, a line many students swear by. I admit I’ve also failed in retrospect to be true to myself and others. Being scared of rejection and hate, many students opt to act friendly to everyone, whether it is to build relations or to stay away from unnecessary tension. To many, this is an easier option, as students are able to avoid confrontation at the personal expense of not being honest to themselves. More often than not, the only person you’re faking it to is yourself. Many of us would like to improve on certain aspects of ourselves, to be deemed fit and wanted by others. We tend to shun away sides of our true personality, and parts we feel that might be holding us back. However, as we trade in bits and pieces of our genuine self for inclusiveness, there is a lack of authenticity and slowly we conform into a society that cannot be classified as individuals, but as people who copy off one another.
Another common saying, “quality over quantity” is also constantly seen as life lessons. When interviewed, a Year 13 student asked: is it better to have a few friends you can rely on or many “table-partner” friends so you can always be around someone? In truth, once students leave RCHK, we will lose connections with those “table-partner” friends, and it is only those we have genuine bonds with who will continue maintaining a lasting friendship. In the end, the amount of friends is just as important as the quality of friendships, with many people walk the tightrope trying to balance both, given that having quality friends with many people is the key to achieving the top of the social hierarchy chart.
While speaking with a student who graduated from RCHK last year, she said: “One thing I wish I’d known sooner is that the people around you affect you, but they don’t define you.” I’ve continually associated people based on their friend groups, before actually knowing them. This unhealthy behavior is a familiar practice with many students because it gives a good idea of who that person may be. An example might be for someone who hangs out a lot at the library, which, once a place for intellectuals and learners, has become a statement for “loners”. Nowadays, most RCHK students stay out of the area during lunchtimes and snacks to avoid being named as someone without friends, especially ironic since libraries should be the epitome of school, not to be known as the place students camp out if they’re “friendless”. The interviews I conducted show further proof that students unanimously agree that the library is a place for “unpopular people”.
In conducting interviews with several students, it pained me to hear how some of them would automatically define themselves on the bottom of the social rank just because of other’s biased opinions. A student noted, “I would place myself rather low in terms of social status.” After talking more with the student, it made me realize how superficial people’s views are on others, often causing a cannonball effect that could permanently damage one’s reputation. When I observed the social circles in our school, that student is sadly right. People tend to disregard or at worst, actively exclude, those openly disliked by most in a group, to the point of completely ignoring them or opposing every suggestion they give regardless of its validity. Especially with the school working hard to promote self-love and self-confidence, it is understandable that many students lack the part due to their lowered opinion of themselves through the lens of others, making even the most popular question themselves.
Even unintentionally, we fight each other to make sure we are the well-liked and “popular”, often forgetting we need other people to gain levels of social status. While pleasing everyone is near impossible, people constantly shun the “lower-status” people, not because of personal reasons but to agree with everyone. In the end, we are all separate entities who cross paths, however, once university comes around the so-called social scale will be non-existent; what remains are the friendships built over the years. The moral of the story is that friendships are a two-way street, and popularity or connections shouldn’t be the definition of friendship, whereas the actual bonds you have with someone should be.